Is Motherhood hard? Well, I wouldn't use that word...

So I am sure I will have a lot of moms up in arms about the title of this post.  I know that everyone loves to say being a mother is hard and I agree with the sentiment, but as I said above, I wouldn't use that word.  Why?  Because I am a person that believes in the power of words.


A yoga student went up to his teacher and asked him "Why do we have to chant "om" at the end of class?".  The teacher replied, "The sound we make when saying OM helps us reach a deeper peace within us.".  The student said, "Come on, just by saying the word I am supposed to become a more peaceful person? ".  The teacher said, "You are being an asshole".  The student got so angry he started yelling at his teacher.  The teacher calmly said, "Do you still mistrust that saying just one word can change you?"
(totally paraphrased from my meditation teacher from many years ago)


When you are teaching your child something difficult and they are on the verge of giving up, what do they say?  "I can't, it's TOO HARD!".  If you have to choose between two equally awful decisions you are trapped between a rock and a HARD place.  "Hard" is unyielding, unforgiving, unmalleable, and all it does is steal your power to be better in some way, even if it means changing how you think.  After all, if it is hard, you have excuses to fail, to be late, to be unprepared, to be less than you could be.

Of course I know that being a mother is challenging.  There are times that I want to crawl under a rock (when K, the oldest kid at a play date, is the worst sharer), retreat into a warm bath (when the house is a wreck and somehow does not have the ability to clean itself) or run away with my imaginary lover to tour some foreign land (when I am reading Eat, Pray, Love).  But I can't say it is hard.  I have to say difficult or problematic.  I use a word that I know I can work with, something I can shape or form, something I can solve, plan around, prepare for...  I cannot win against "hard" unless I smack up against it over and over, smashing it like a hammer against rock.  And is that how we want to be mothers, or people for that matter?

So I am challenged daily...  I am challenged to get out of the house on time with 2 (clean) children. I am working through the difficulty of providing healthy meals to a family of varied needs and tastes.  I am having issues with communicating with my husband so that we can work together as a well oiled machine.  I struggle through that extra mile on the treadmill, that one extra rep at Stroller Strides, no matter how exhausted.

I work with my challenges- I use my skills, my brain, my strength, my love, my heart and my patience to give it my best.  And at the end, I use my forgiveness.  Because I know that being a mother is hard a journey.  And who doesn't love that word...

10 out of 10 experts agree we are in a recession...

Okay I made up that statistic, but I don't think anyone can contest it at this point. Times are tough for everyone and we all know someone that has lost their job or taken a paycut to stay in a job. Perhaps it is a friend, a friend of a friend, your loved ones or even yourself. Just thinking about my husband losing his job gives me heart palpitations. I am a "what if" person by nature, someone who is always thinking of worst case scenario. But in this climate, worst case could indeed be what happens. So, the control freak that I am, I am preparing for the worst even though I do not think it will happen. But then again, you just never know...

Here are some tips if you are also trying to save "just in case".

1. Choose activities that are fun and free. There are so many activities for families that are free. The park, playdates, the museum, storytime, etc. Not that I will not pay for fun things for me and the kids to do. It's just that they are young enough that going for a walk and trying to find a birds nest is just as exciting to them as going to the museum. And I know the free days at the zoo and museum are packed, but I guess I am less affected by it since I am from the city...

2. Surround yourself with frugal friends. I think everyone I know right now qualifies. When you have a family it is easier to make frugal choices since your priorities change. But even so, I am choosing to hang out with my more frugal friends. Spendy friends tend to make you spendy. Frugal friends will be as creative as you are to find the deals, and the good deals at that (meaning products that are worth it, and not just cheap). Share tips with each other to save!

3. Use hand me downs and consignment stores... I think we have bought only $100 worth of new clothes in the 5 years we have been parents. Granted I have boys, and if I had a girl I might be broke... Consignment stores are awesome. My favorites- Once Upon A Child on Ken Pratt and Childish Things in Boulder. For me, Rags to Riches on 28th in Boulder.

4. Think about wants versus needs... And be thankful for what you have. There is a buddhist saying- desire is the cause of all unhappiness. When I think about it, I really have everything I need. Of course it would be nice to have a larger car (even a van!) and it would be great to eat out more. The list of wants is large. But do we really need these things? And on the flip side of that, instead of desiring things and being miserable about not being able to get them, when do we ever sit down and really experience the gratitude for what we do have. Perhaps Thanksgiving? My sister was in town recently and her daughter said grace before we ate. Since we don't really have a religion we practice, K wanted to participate but didn't know how to. So I told him to share what he was thankful for. He said the sweetest things- thankful for mom, dad, baby, family, his blankie and for the dinner we were about to eat. It made me realize that even though most everything I "want" is for my family, they are actually happy with what we have already.

5. Put away a bit of money at the beginning of the month. If you wait till the end of the month to put away money in your emergency fund it will already be spent. This is amazingly true. And when I try to find where we spent the "extra" it is almost always on things we didn't really need (see tip #4).

6. Reuse- Good old #2 in Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. Find new uses for things you already have. Or fix things that you have instead of buying new. But make sure whatever you reuse is still safe!

7. Be creative on new ways to make money... Think about skills you have! Do you know how to sew (I do- perhaps I can do custom draperies???) or are you creative (yes! Perhaps I can start doing nursery murals again). Think about your skills and see if there is a niche or need you can fill. Perhaps you can watch a few kids at home with your children. Or even provide a Moms Day Out service. Someone just told me they buy clipped coupons on ebay. People will pay for convenience, and you can be the person they pay!

Sometimes the world does collapse on top of you and there is sacrifice and loss. But whatever happens, just breathe and return to tip #4. Think about what you already have. It will not solve all your problems, but it may give you the direction you need to act in difficult situations.