Monday I had a bad parenting day. Kaiden had thrown up the night before and I woke up feeling strange and dizzy. I went downstairs to cancel Stroller Strides which means posting in about four different locations on line. It is a little time consuming. So time consuming that in that time frame Ethan managed to put on his Toy Story slippers and let the cat out the back door. He also let himself out the back door. And he closed it.
So I am downstairs typing up a storm when Kaiden comes looking for me.
"Mommy, can I play XBox? And why is Ethan crying for you?"
Mommy intuition kicks in and I go running upstairs. I throw open the back door and there is Ethan, in his Thomas pajamas, crying and cold. I cuddled him close, ran upstairs and jumped under the covers to warm him up. Half my thoughts were on how cold his ears and hands were, the other half was wondering if the neighbors had heard him crying.
Am I really one of those parents? The one on the news closing the door to their messy house saying no comment as the reporter asks them if they knew their child was walking around in the cold morning with only their pajamas? How could that be me?
Terrible, yes, I know. It couldn't have been more than 3 minutes, but still.
My life as a mom is peppered with bad mom moments. The days when I let them watch more than 2 hours of TV a day (gasp), feed them candy to keep them happy, let their fingernails go uncut because I would rather not sit on them to cut them short and the list goes on. I like to think it is equally peppered with moments when I am a fantastic mother, truly the stuff only seen in movies (and not Mommy Dearest). Like when I crouched halfway in the MRI tube holding Kaiden's hand for his whole test. When I make almost every meal Kaiden eats to make sure it is gluten free (even though I never know if he will think it is gross). Even today when I shared Gummy Bears with Ethan (his first time) because sometimes kids just need to eat candy.
All those parenting books call for consistency. Consistency is key. But how can any parent be consistently fantastic. Is it possible. Should we even try for it. And if we fail?!? Oh the guilt!!! And does it ever end? Good mom, bad mom, angry mom, cuddly mom, crazy mom, lazy mom, up and down and up and down.
Ugh, is it just me? I guess I will just consistently try to do my best, something that shifts at every moment, and we'll have to leave it at that. Oh and put a top lock on the back door. Because I don't want to be on the news anytime soon.
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