Is Motherhood hard? Well, I wouldn't use that word...

So I am sure I will have a lot of moms up in arms about the title of this post.  I know that everyone loves to say being a mother is hard and I agree with the sentiment, but as I said above, I wouldn't use that word.  Why?  Because I am a person that believes in the power of words.


A yoga student went up to his teacher and asked him "Why do we have to chant "om" at the end of class?".  The teacher replied, "The sound we make when saying OM helps us reach a deeper peace within us.".  The student said, "Come on, just by saying the word I am supposed to become a more peaceful person? ".  The teacher said, "You are being an asshole".  The student got so angry he started yelling at his teacher.  The teacher calmly said, "Do you still mistrust that saying just one word can change you?"
(totally paraphrased from my meditation teacher from many years ago)


When you are teaching your child something difficult and they are on the verge of giving up, what do they say?  "I can't, it's TOO HARD!".  If you have to choose between two equally awful decisions you are trapped between a rock and a HARD place.  "Hard" is unyielding, unforgiving, unmalleable, and all it does is steal your power to be better in some way, even if it means changing how you think.  After all, if it is hard, you have excuses to fail, to be late, to be unprepared, to be less than you could be.

Of course I know that being a mother is challenging.  There are times that I want to crawl under a rock (when K, the oldest kid at a play date, is the worst sharer), retreat into a warm bath (when the house is a wreck and somehow does not have the ability to clean itself) or run away with my imaginary lover to tour some foreign land (when I am reading Eat, Pray, Love).  But I can't say it is hard.  I have to say difficult or problematic.  I use a word that I know I can work with, something I can shape or form, something I can solve, plan around, prepare for...  I cannot win against "hard" unless I smack up against it over and over, smashing it like a hammer against rock.  And is that how we want to be mothers, or people for that matter?

So I am challenged daily...  I am challenged to get out of the house on time with 2 (clean) children. I am working through the difficulty of providing healthy meals to a family of varied needs and tastes.  I am having issues with communicating with my husband so that we can work together as a well oiled machine.  I struggle through that extra mile on the treadmill, that one extra rep at Stroller Strides, no matter how exhausted.

I work with my challenges- I use my skills, my brain, my strength, my love, my heart and my patience to give it my best.  And at the end, I use my forgiveness.  Because I know that being a mother is hard a journey.  And who doesn't love that word...

Take this job and shove it...

Stay at home moms, don't you sometimes just want to quit.  When the laundry is up to your eyeballs, nobody wants to eat the dinner you've slaved over, you are running 15 minutes late to everything and people are rolling their eyes at you as you give them 100 reasons you are late, the dog ate something it wasn't supposed to and now it is having "issues" and the list goes on and on...

Well too bad.  You can't.  Because it really isn't a job.  You don't even have a job description.  Salary?  Nope, not that either.  Performance evaluation?  Well, unless you consider the word "gross" describing the dinner you made as a performance evaluation, you don't get one of those either.   You don't even have a direct supervisor, unless you count your husband (as if!) or your kids (well I do call the older one "the little dictator"). 

So yes, I am venting.  I am complaining.  It seems to be something people do about their jobs, so I figured I would join in, even though technically I don't have a "job".  But I suppose I do have the same gripes as people who work out in the "real world".

So let's break it down...

Common complaints from some one who has a "real job":
1.  I don't know what my job entails, am I supposed to process the xxx data or is Joe?
So...  As a stay at home mom, am I supposed to be in charge of the laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping, dog walking, mail getting, bill paying, etc.  Or am I just supposed to be entertaining, educating and enjoying my wonderful children?  Because I feel like I should be doing all those things and when I don't I feel overwhelmed and a bit of a failure.  (if I have time I will insert a picture of the pile of laundry sitting next to me)

2.  I never feel appreciated, my boss never even says good job!
Do I even have to explain this one.  I am supposing everyone who is reading this is a SAHM and you totally get this.  I mean, have your kids ever said "thank you mom for doing the laundry so I have clean underwear"?  And I mean without prompting.

3.  To meet this deadline I have to work overtime!  What happened to my weekends?
Weekends...  As a SAHM do we even get these?  There are still dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping, dog walking, mail getting and bill paying to be done.  (Are those part of my duties, I can't remember.)  I thought weekends were supposed to be a respite from the drudgery of our work week.  But since my hubby works out of the house all week all he wants to do is hang out at home.  Since I am AT HOME all week all I want to do is GET OUT!!!  So herein lies the rub.  Don't get me wrong, my husband let's me (don't even get me started on the "let's me" part) have me-time on the weekends while he get to "be me", which I love.  But when I return, the kids have not been fed, the laundry is not done, the dishes are still dirty, the mail is not fetched, and the house is a mess.  Since at this time he is supposed to "be me", I am thinking that perhaps the above mentioned tasks are NOT part of my duties and I am once again being a workaholic (a label I got when I too worked in the "real world').

4.  My salary sucks.
I allow myself $25 a week to spend on me and the kids and $400 to spend on groceries for the whole month.  I know I am cheap, but my salary sucks.  One mom friend posted on FB, "My daughter gets paid $10 an hour to babysit one kid.  I have three kids and I take care of them everyday.  Guess who makes more." 

5.  I have no possibility of promotion.
In nine years I will be promoted to the parent of a teenager.  At this time I am sure to be awarded more attitude and given the bonus of increased requests for material possessions.

6.  That B*^ch in accounting is always taking credit for my work.
I can't actually take credit for the wonderful things my children accomplish.  They are truly wonderful, shining, funny, sweet, loving handfuls because that is who they were born to be.  But I do like to credit for other things.  Like when K pushes, or does not share.  Or when E throws a tantrum, or was not walking at 18 months.  Or when I found out that K is small because he is celiac and we have been feeding him wheat his whole life.  Or that E can't sleep in his crib because I am constantly on the go so he is used to sleeping in the car.

Ugh, the list goes on.  And so can I but this post has gotten too long already.  So it has been established that I can't quit my non-job of SAHM.  And I wouldn't want to.  Laundry is not difficult, cleaning, although not my forte, is not rocket science, I like walking the dog and being responsible for the family finances.  AND I do enjoy staying home with the kiddos.  I also enjoy owning my own business (Stroller Strides) and having the flexibility to teach prenatal yoga.

So I guess I will stick with it...  I mean who wouldn't when the job description entails a fuzzy list of duties, long hours, no weekends, no pay, no upward mobility, no sideways mobility, no bonuses, endless repetitive tasks a monkey could do, 100+ kisses a day from messy mouths, huge belly laughs, never ending noise, quiet moments of breathless beauty, countless opportunities to teach, even more opportunities to learn, and the possibility that once again the dog is having "issues".

LMC Weekly Tip: Breast Cancer Prevention Week #10

PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE: 

There are over 100,000 synthetic chemicals approved for market use today, from preservatives in our lipstick to flame retardants in our sofas, from plasticizers in our water bottles to pesticides on our fruit and vegetables. Less than 10% of these chemicals have been tested for their effects on human health. The average American carries at least 116 chemicals in his or her body, yet scientists can tell us next to nothing about the lifetime effects of living with this toxic "cocktail" of chemicals.  To learn more, visit www.TakingPrecaution.org.

The Breast Cancer Fund is a founding member of the Bay Area Precautionary Principle Working Group (BAWG), an innovative collaborative made up of leaders from the breast cancer, public health, environmental health and environmental justice communities, formed to promote the implementation of the precautionary principle in the Bay Area and assist other regions of the country in their efforts to do that same.

LMC Weekly Tip: Breast Cancer Prevention Week #10

DISPROPORTIONATE IMPACT OF BREAST CANCER: 
While more white women get breast cancer than African American women, more African American women will die of the disease. There are environmental exposures that are unique to African Americans like the more common use of hormone-containing personal care products. Please help us spread the word about the challenges for African American women. Request copies of and help distribute The Environmental Risks of Breast Cancer in African American Women.  

While fewer Latinas get breast cancer than other groups, breast cancer remains the most commonly diagnosed cancer and the leading cause of cancer death in Latina women in the United States. Experts say Latina breast cancer is understudied and that we simply do not have accurate data to know just how hard breast cancer is hitting these women. Read more about the Latina experience in BCF’s 2006 newsletter.  To help distribute our print newsletter a few times a year, fill out a volunteer form.